My Story

One night before that summer with Steve, my cousin DaNae invited me over to her house to hang out. We were watching Meet The Robison's in her basement when we heard the doorbell ring. I had no idea who was at the door, but shortly later I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I looked around and saw the handsomest boy walking with DaNae. He had sandy brown hair, hazel eyes, and dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. Other than the obvious good looks, I knew there was something special about him the minute I met him. His name was Devin, and I was interested for sure. I didn't know if he was dating DaNae or not though, so I kind of backed off a bit. I had no clue this boy would some day be my husband, honestly at the time I didn't expect to live much longer. I had a plan to commit suicide, I didn't know exactly when, but I knew it would happen. I kind of wanted to graduate High School first, but I kind of doubted I could make it that long. I had made plans to gradua

My teen years were very disturbing. My dad was gone working a lot, mom was getting more weird. My closest siblings had left the house and started their own lives. I was the only one left home. My mom wasn't eating much. She was sick with some new thing she read or saw somewhere and locked herself in her room most of the time. She was saying weird things and taking tons of pills. Like tons. Around this time she started telling me that we were being stalked by a very bad man. She told me the Lord gave her a special gift (muscle testing) to answer her questions and tell her what was going to happen. She started muscle testing for things other than food and pills. Things like whether someone was after her, and what he looked like. She would guess his race and age and hair color and when her finger grip wouldn't break quite as easily that meant she guessed it right. Although I am pretty sure she changed her mind from Mexican American to Caucasian once. She told me to be careful

***This blog is about my childhood, it has sexual and abusive content. Please read with caution if you suffer from any triggers. Overview: This is the first time I have ever shared this story, especially so publicly, I definitely have the jitters and am super nervous. Most of my family doesn't even know about this, and if you are close to me and have questions, I have to tell you I can't just give out the answers.. some I can answer, but I am not giving out names. Here goes.  You never know what someone is really going through. You never know what is going on behind the scenes. Even when they are your family. Even when you are living with them. You’d never know that the girl you just rolled your eyes at had been up all night because her mental mother handed her a gun and told her someone was going to break in at 3am. Or that the flesh on her back was being eaten away because of a nasty little herb, that that same mother applied, too often it seemed, then was told to